"INSURANCE is the subject matter of solicitation"

(To which Tripurari Singh remarked, "Eh? Copied the wrong circular?")

Consecutive sentences (yes!) from an HT news report:

Meanwhile, India has described as "highly irresponsible" President Pervez Musharraf's comment that New Delhi had acted "arrogantly" in recalling its High Commissioner from Islamabad. 

Singh said the Indian reaction had been "instinctive". The Pakistan President did not appear to have given much thought to what he had spoken, the minister said.

Singh said he did not want to react to General Pervez Musharraf's comments in the same "military language" that he had used.

He said for Musharraf to describe an issue of such high importance in the words he used "is really for him to be living in an Alice in Wonderland kind of situation".

From a resume submitted to Nagarro Inc.:

Objective:

To gain perspicacity of the computing industry by working in professional environment which ensures all round growth and development of individual and organization, thus gaining value added experience, and blend the expertise to conceptualize a range of ingenious technical solution to complex business, with the trust worthiness (sic) of delivering infallible explications and services to the customers.

Rediff reports:

As part of its drive to improve the image of Pakistani cricket, the PCB has decided to plant a secret informer among home and away squads to spy on the players and report on any untoward incidents.

On August 20, 2000, The Economic Times carried the results of the following poll:

YESTERDAY'S POLL RESULTS
Should bandwidth be made a Constitutional right for every citizen?
YES: 68%, NO: 26%, CAN'T SAY: 6%

Vidyainfo.com carried the following "devil or deep sea?" e-poll: 

Do you think westernization of India is a good thing?

- Don't know
- It's too early to say anything
- No, west should be where it is - the west
- Yeah, as long as we don't lose our values

On the online application form for Citibank credit cards at www.citibank.com/india/vsnl [April 2000]

Please fill in block letters

VK contributes this one about an environmentalist speaking on droughts:

Deforestation is one major reason for rain water running off rather than percolating down (the reason Cherrapunji has a water shortage is linked to the massive deforestation in that region of Meghalaya). "It is like pouring oil on a bald man and on a person with hair. On the bald man, the oil will run off while the man with hair will soak it up. Thus to soak up water, we need vegetation!" exclaims the CSE member.

The "Unse Kehna" VJ on the low-budget channel CMM:

"We are going to take your messages. Now do you know what message mean? You will say - of course I know what message means. No yaar, I don't mean it that way: I mean do you know what the word message means? M.E.S.S.A.G.E.? You don't? Well, M stands for Majestic. E stands for Effort. S stands for Soft, and the other S stands for Super. And the A, G and E stand for Promise of Eternal Happiness. So message stands for Majestic Effort Soft Super Promise of Eternal Happiness."

From a news article in a Pakistani Balouchi English newspaper covering the Afghanistan war (picked up by Swaminathan Iyer):

According to a report prepared by various local journalists, the drop scene of the blockade of KKH which had started on Oct 25 was occurred on Tuesday evening with a one-week deadline from the protesters to the government calling for change in pro-US policy after observing large scale preparations of paramilitary forces including Khaiber Rifles, Toopi Scouts, Mehmund Rifles, Tul Scouts, South Waziristan Scouts, Chitral Scouts, Bajoor Scouts and Shawal Rifles for a possible operation against those armed tribesmen who were deployed in trenches along the road.

Inadvertently humorous outpourings by a Gautam Bhatia in the Feb 2000 issue of the magazine First City; the article is titled "Blueprint for a dead city":

"I loved Delhi. Once. A long time ago... 

The grass, when it was green, was really green; when yellow, it was as good as dead... 

Now, I hate Delhi...

Telephone lines being dug, street lights installed. Malaria, hepatitis, viral flu, signs for clinical laboratories, maternity homes and private Mother and Child hospitals. Facades erupting blemishes of commerce - Arora Video Library, PK Enterprises, GK Housing Pvt Ltd... 

...front yards being fenced in - economy liberalising... Bungalows broken to make apartments; servants quarters rented to students, garages to doctors... 

How can you live in a place, abandoned. A destitute and orphan town. I wonder, at times, why I am so repulsed by the places we live in. It has nothing to do with poverty, disease and malnutrition. I am an Indian; they are a part of my heritage...

Two of the most common forms of public transport in India since the days of human and horse muscle power, the rickshaw and the tonga, though grossly underrated, have assured their place in history along with other greats of human enterprise the discovery of fire, the moon landing, the doubledoor fridge and chocolate mousse. For a couple of bales of hay, the horse-drawn tonga is a far more efficient mode of transport than the Cielo... It pollutes less, seats many more and, every time the horse swishes its tail, it is even air-conditioned. More efficient still, is the rickshaw. Providing steady employment to a person than engine, a person that spits paan rather than emit smoke. The rickshaws return to the urban scene needs to be encouraged... 

I suggest the municipal government have a Pollution Tax... such as 1000 cc engine Rs. 10,000 per month, 800 cc engine Rs. 8,000 per month, 50 cc engine Rs. 500 per month et cetera...

It is estimated that there are about 1.2 million homeless and destitute in the city... the number of cars parked on the Delhi roads is also about a million... Suggestion 8 - Let every Maruti owner who offers his car to a destitute family for the night be exempt from road tax.... 

Roads - There are an estimated 16 flyovers under construction in Delhi... Obviously a thoughtful reconstruction of a future metropolis with cycle rickshaws and tongas, a place free of cars, industrial blight and lung disease, is not in the interest of those who are to gain from the construction of flyovers... 

Do we really need roads, roads that take up a third of the city’s space?..."